keeping cancer a secret from family

Cancer patients can’t do much about mutating cells – or the myriad pokes, prods and procedures they go through during treatment. Talk about this story on our Facebook page. And I’ve thought about deleting my blog. “But [patients] may not be able to get the support they need. He told some friends and family, as well as his producing partner Logan Coles, agent Michael Greene and trainer Addison Henderson. Given their emotional makeup, they likely wouldn’t whisper aloud their cholesterol count much less their diagnosis. But in cases where people he’s treating are facing grave diagnoses, the oncologist will offer guidance that he’s found to be healthy for the patient and their loved ones. Some patients "are in denial, don't want to … Young told her immediate family, her friends and her staff, but didn’t share her 2009 diagnosis, double mastectomy, reconstruction or even chemotherapy with a single client or colleague. After we wrote about why people decide to keep quiet about cancer, a number of readers got in touch to share their stories. Sure, some cancer patients are highly private by nature. “If the diagnosis is terminal and the family members aren’t prepared for that, what you find is there are a lot more unnecessary treatments and therapy given because the family is not prepared for their death yet. That’s it. Kelly Preston died at age 57 from breast cancer on Sunday after a private two-year battle. The young … ... No one can keep a secret. Kelly Preston died at age 57 from breast cancer on Sunday after a private two-year battle. Kelly Preston's death from breast cancer at 57 shocked many, as her husband, John Travolta, said she kept her diagnosis private for two years. “I’ve been in situations where I went in to talk to family members and the patient will ask their wife or their kids and loved ones to leave the room before we talk,” said Scott, a physician at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and a researcher at Fred Hutch whose lab interests include clinical trials for myelodysplastic syndrome and myeloproliferative disorders. Every family member is affected by a cancer diagnosis, and each person will deal with it … “Some people are good judges of who can or can’t handle what,” says Schnur. “Usually, it’s men who have been the leader of their family not wanting their wife or kids to know about their diagnosis,” Scott said. We are committed to cultivating a workplace in which diverse perspectives and experiences are welcomed and respected. This equates to 12% of UK adults. “People have told me that I’m not making a wise choice by tying my name to cancer, that people won’t want to hire me. She posts Facebook selfies, looking blond, slender and youthful. Others share it but never show up without a wig. A woman with cancer wrote, “As for whether or not people should keep their illness a secret, I think they will learn with whom they can talk. “Once they recognize that from an intellectual perspective, it usually switches the situation around, and it opens the communication to a family. When Melanie Young was first diagnosed with cancer, she decided to keep her diagnosis a secret from her work colleagues. I think it would be better for you to say something about spending more time with family and now you’re ready to get back into the work world,’” recalled Dena, who lives in the Seattle area. “Hiding is not the agenda. And there are levels of secret keeping. Follow him at @writerdude. Previously, he was a contributing writer for NBCNews.com and TODAY.com, covering breaking news, health and the military. Please support lifesaving research today. A 2008 study that interviewed 164 breast cancer survivors found many were thrust into the role of caretaker for emotionally overwhelmed friends and family. A 2004 quantitative study of 66 early-stage breast cancer patients found “failure to disclose concerns was associated with … low emotional well-being.” But in a 2002 paper on gender and cancer, authors found the significance placed on cancer patients being expressive emerged from research focusing on women — and is, therefore, influenced by assumptions about femininity. Steve Jobs didn't reveal many details about his pancreatic cancer to the public, and he was not alone in keeping it a secret. Cancer is also an extremely difficult secret to keep for obvious reasons. Understand that keeping a secret may cause extra stress. Keeping cancer a secret. Confess such secrets to the right people and it becomes much harder for the harm such secrets enable to continue. Kelly Preston has been seen holding her family tight in a heartbreaking final picture as she kept her cancer battle secret. She keeps up with friends. “She felt it would potentially grow more challenging for an employer to want to hire somebody who’s had the health issue I had. We encourage individuals with diverse backgrounds to apply and desire priority referrals of protected veterans. It’s how you feel comfortable and how you want to be seen.”. “There’s no right answer,” says Harden. “That conversation was at three years out. Doctors don't hide cancer from their patients, as they did with Bette Davis in the 1939 film "Dark Victory." Keeping your cancer diagnosis a secret can sometimes be a better option. I argue that by keeping her cancer a secret, she runs the risk of doing the opposite: making cancer seem scarier and more worrisome. “The last time I spoke with my old manager, when I was three years out from the transplant, I said to her, ‘If I get to the point where I’m off immunosuppression [drugs] and I could job hunt, how would you suggest I address this gap [in my job history]?’ She said, ‘I wouldn’t bring up the illness at all. That paradox might perfectly capture the mindset of many who keep their cancers largely under wraps. She underwent a second transplant in 2013, also successful. You’ll Help Them Prepare for What’s Ahead. After she died from a complication of the illness in 2012, some of her most intimate friends revealed they were in the dark about it, including actress Meryl Streep, who said:  “She really did catch us napping.” Musician David Bowie, who died in January of liver cancer, opted to keep the disease hidden — at least from the public — because he preferred to let his final album ‘speak for itself,’ according to Rolling Stone magazine. Keeping these kind of secrets allows the detrimental behavior to continue. Here are just a few of them. New research from Bupa reveals that 6.2 million parents in the UK have delayed telling their children about a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, with one in five keeping it a secret entirely Being diagnosed with cancer is a stark reality for millions of people, with one in two people in the UK being diagnosed at some point in their lifetime. If somebody makes you feel that way, that’s their issue. “In a way, it’s an escape.”, Catherine, a 49-year-old Seattle breast cancer survivor who asked that her last name not be used, told friends and family about her diagnosis, surgery and treatment but kept it from everyone but her boss and HR representative when it came to work. Fred Hutch is proud to be an Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) and Vietnam Era Veterans Readjustment Assistance Act (VEVRAA) Employer. Because they’re not (staying secret) to be evil. Perspectives vary widely, Why some patients keep their cancer secret — and how oncologists guide them through that chosen seclusion. Once treatment starts, the child may see side effects like tiredness, weight changes, hair loss, or vomiting. But cancer isn’t something to be ashamed of and nobody should feel that. In 2011, she stopped working to undergo a bone marrow transplant. It’s a legitimate concern. To me, it just seemed like denial. Most often, these exceptions come into play with patients who decide to withhold news of their cancer diagnosis from aging parents who are sick or frail. Date Published: 22 Oct 2014 @ 12:32 PM. “I was going to high school and it was a small town,” she says. The few who do know her secret were carefully selected. About twice a year, on average, newly diagnosed patients will tell Dr. Bart Scott they want absolutely nobody to know they have cancer. But she has a massive secret — stage 4 breast cancer, a metastatic recurrence, diagnosed one year ago. Steve Jobs didn't reveal many details about his pancreatic cancer to the public, and he was not alone in keeping it a secret. I have terminal cancer, my SO knows this, what she doesn’t know is that before things get very bad for me and she has to see that, I will already have taken my own life to spare her that pain. When Rebecca Matos, a 30-something project manager from New York was diagnosed with breast cancer, she shared the news with her mom and a few close friends. Some keep their health history ultra quiet to make themselves better job candidates. When Melanie Young was first diagnosed with cancer, she decided to keep her diagnosis a secret from her work colleagues. Then, he explains that keeping their diagnosis fully secret may make it harder for them to ask for help when it’s needed — like getting a ride to treatment or grabbing a friendly ear to listen to fears, he said. Feeling like this in a new relationship usually isn’t a good start. Bette Davis in the 1939 film "Dark Victory, 2008 study that interviewed 164 breast cancer survivors. Sometimes, the complex feelings and lifestyle changes caused by cancer and its treatment become as overwhelming for others in your life as they are for you. As any person with cancer knows, a cancer diagnosis also affects family members and friends. Even science seems a bit divided on the healthiest road for cancer patients — full disclosure versus full (or semi) privacy, if that’s the preference. We all have secrets — but research has repeatedly told us that keeping secrets is bad for your health, so then we end up keeping secrets about keeping secrets. She chats with neighbors who think her worst ailment is a food allergy. QualityHealth Home > Cancer Health Center > Keeping Cancer a Secret. We’re celebrating a week of Steals & Deals! However, after years of counseling patients with cancer, I have learned there are exceptions to the rule. On her blog, she confessed: “I don’t want anyone to know but I want everyone to know.”, “It is,” she said in an interview, “a weird paradox that’s inside of me.”. I was shocked that the family (and the doctor!) He validates a patient’s desire for privacy, whatever their reasons. One of those is Dena, 57. Hudson admits her “awesome” support system often outweighs her desire for privacy. Why some patients keep their cancer secret — and how oncologists guide them through that chosen seclusion . 9 Diseases People Keep Secret. Keeping a cancer diagnosis from patients in an attempt to shield them from worry is common in China. Compare this with the Australian journalist Amanda Platell, whose older brother Michael died of lung cancer, aged just 40, without telling many of his other friends or family that he was even ill. “Holding stressful emotions inside without an outlet can lead to worsened stress, anxiety, depression and isolation,” Fann said. Once treatment starts, the child may see side effects like tiredness, weight changes, hair loss, or vomiting. Who’s got a secret? ... Secret Tarot 35,386 views. Those things sort of annoy me. New research from Bupa reveals that 6.2 million parents in the UK have delayed telling their children about a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, with one in five keeping it a secret entirely Being diagnosed with cancer is a stark reality for millions of people, with one in two people in the UK being diagnosed at some point in their lifetime. 22. And asking for support shows strength, not weakness.”. Reach out to a school counselor or another trusted adult to talk … The Black Panther star died on Friday aged 43, after a four-year battle with colon cancer which he allegedly kept so private that no-one involved in the Marvel film was aware. Here are seven secrets you should never keep from your spouse. Mandi Hudson, a 33-year-old marketing maven from Salt Lake City, uses Twitter, Facebook and other social media tools to keep her loved ones up to speed on her breast cancer. Diagnosed with lung cancer at the age of 71, Du Yingfen died of the disease last year not knowing her diagnosis, as her family kept the news from her for two years. “Most were supportive, but there were a few [clients] who drifted away.”. My family also decided to keep my grandmother’s cancer diagnosis a secret from her, just like in the film “The Farewell." It seems inarguably necessary to share news about a cancer diagnosis with one’s family and friends. Cancel Unsubscribe. For now, she’s committed to navigating the situation with a handful of close friends and those who read her blog. He told some friends and family, as well as his producing partner Logan Coles, agent Michael Greene and trainer Addison Henderson. Avoid keeping cancer a secret. For some patients, the decision to not be fully open is simply a cool, financial calculation. It’s really important when you have cancer to decrease any stress. At some point the family intercepts the physician and requests that he or she not tell the patient about the diagnosis. Essayist and humorist Nora Ephron often lugged her own life into her writing — everything, that is, but her diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia. Children learn about the world from the adults in their lives. Then there are those patients who eventually want to return to the workforce following prolonged treatment. Family members, extremely ashamed of mental illness running in the family, developed a culture of non communication and secrecy to protect themselves from the truth and to prevent any embarrassing information from becoming available to outsiders. You’ll Help Them Prepare for What’s Ahead. He’s not sure he made the right choice marrying her. She wanted to protect them from what can be scary online reading. Keeping cancer a secret. To me, it just seemed like denial. Once you have a handle on the extent of your diagnosis, it’s important to be direct and open with your children about what’s happening. Despite living in this tell-all, social-media age where more people seem comfortable discussing or tweeting their sniffles, scans and, for some, their cancers, this 43-year-old woman decided to reveal her illness only to a super-select few. I was shocked that the family (and the doctor!) On the set of “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” Greene noticed Boseman was suffering, but the actor powered on and “felt that being able to be with … Article By: Ellie Spanswick, News Editor There are a large number of cancer patients who are opting to face their illness alone, keeping close family and friends in the dark about their diagnosis and treatment to protect them, research by Bupa suggests.

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